By Amanda LaMela

I used to think I knew my values. Friendship? Of course. Generosity? Obviously. Moderation? Not so much. But if you had asked me to name the top five forces shaping my decisions, relationships, and identity, I would have thrown out a few generic answers, hoped they sounded good, and then secretly second-guessed myself.

This all changed when a friend introduced me to the Personal Values Card Sort. It is a deceptively simple exercise that forced me to examine what truly matters to me. This activity involves sorting a stack of values (think “Security,” “Freedom,” “Authenticity,” “Achievement,” etc.) into categories ranging from “Most Important” to “Not Important.”

It sounds easy. It isn’t. It forces you to reckon with the hierarchy of what really matters in your life, as opposed to what should matter according to societal norms, family expectations, or the latest self-improvement trend. And let me tell you, it can be eye opening (and even a little humbling.)

What Values Work Can Give You (If You’re Willing to Play Along)

By the end of my first card sort, I was startled to realize I’d been living by values I no longer connected with. As it turns out, “rationality” ranked much lower than I expected, while “creativity” and “authenticity” shot to the top like a pressurized cork.

Here’s what value sorting can do for you:

Clarity: You’ll stop saying, “I don’t know why I feel stuck” because suddenly, you will know. (Spoiler: You might be prioritizing values that don’t align with your true self.)

Confidence in Decision-Making: Once you identify your guiding principles, choices become more straightforward. You’ll recognize when something is a hell yes or a hard no based on whether it aligns with your authentic self.

Better Relationships: When you understand your own values, you can better understand the values driving the people around you. This can be transformative for relationships with romantic partners, friends, coworkers, and family.

A Roadmap for Therapy: Values work offers tangible insights to share with your therapist. For example, “I keep saying I value adventure, but I make every decision based on safety…why am I so afraid to take risks?”

How to Do the Personal Values Card Sort (and Actually Get Something Out of It)

1. Set aside some quiet time. This exercise demands reflection. Try not to rush through it while binging a true crime podcast (I learned this the hard way).

2. Be brutally honest. Forget what your parents, friends, or LinkedIn think your values should be. This is about what truly drives you.

3. Be flexible. Values aren’t set in stone. They shift as we grow, change, and experience life. The things that once defined you may no longer fit, and that’s not a failure – it is a sign of growth. Instead of clinging to old identities, give yourself permission to evolve. Let your values reflect who you are today.

4. Narrow it down. After your first pass, challenge yourself to whittle your list down to your top five values. Yes, five. Not twelve. Not ten. Five. The discomfort of cutting things out is part of the process.

5. Ask yourself why. Once you have your final list, take a moment to reflect on why these values made the cut. Sometimes, we choose values that best represent our strengths and current sense of identity. Other times, we gravitate toward values that highlight what we feel is missing. Understanding the”why” behind your choices will help provide clarity and uncover valuable insights.

6. Reflect on the gaps. Where do your actual values clash with how you’re living? What needs to change?

7. Bring it into therapy. If you are feeling brave, show your hand! This is prime material for exploration with your therapist. Your findings will likely result in valuable insights and discussions.

If therapy is about knowing yourself, then values work is like a flashlight in a dark cave. It won’t give you all the answers, but it will help guide your next step. Identifying your core values makes therapy richer, deeper, and more actionable. You’ll become better at identifying which patterns you want to challenge and where to focus your energy.

So grab a deck (or print out a free online version). At the very least, you'll solidify long-established values by putting them to the test. At best? You might just find the missing piece you’ve been searching for. And when you're done, bring your discoveries into your next session. Your therapist will be just as fascinated and excited as you are!

Interested in working with Amanda? Contact us here and list her or any of our therapists or click on the button below to book an appointment today!

References

Conrad, Lettie & Tucker, Virginia. (2018). Making it tangible: hybrid card sorting within qualitative interviews. Journal of Documentation. 75. 10.1108/JD-06-2018-0091.

Kis, Andrea. (2023). Structure of value relations. Based on Schwartz (1992).

Miller, William & C'de Baca, Janet & Matthews, Daniel & Wilbourne, Paula. (2001). Personal Values Card Sort.

Schwartz, S. H. (2012). An Overview of the Schwartz Theory of Basic Values. Online Readings in Psychology and Culture, 2(1). https://doi.org/10.9707/2307-0919.1116