The Holiday Syndrome: Managing Loneliness Among Good Cheer
By Wesley Higgins
By this point, we’ve all heard of the “Christmas Blues.” Whether or not you observe Christmas, or any of the other holidays around this time of year, it’s hard not to notice what time of year it is. Especially here in New York City where the avenues are illuminated by red and white strung lights, and department stores showcase happy families exchanging gifts. It can be a bit much honestly, even for those who (mostly) look forward to gathering around a crackling fire, or a clanking apartment heater, to spend time with our loved ones for a few precious days off.
The modern notion of mental illness, especially major depressive episodes, increasing around the holiday times have been remarked upon at least since the 1950s. James Cattell, a psychiatrist teaching at Harvard, published “The Holiday Syndrome” in 1955 in the the Psychoanalytic Review. He noted that this syndrome started around Thanksgiving and extends through the winter holidays until shortly after New Years. This Syndrome was not simply a depressed mood, but an entire complex of interrelated phenomena.
Cattell was a trained psychoanalyst, and may sound outdated to modern readers. But his observation remains poignant. The holiday season is a charged occasion with overlapping themes. It is a series of rituals invoking reunion and shared identity centered around the family unit. It is fertile ground for what psychologists call regression. Regression is when the self reverts back to a childlike state of being, most importantly a return of unresolved childhood conflicts that can still play out as an adult. The ritualized family gathering of it all can hypercharge this process.
If that sounds abstract, think about the last time you spent time with your family during the holidays. As adults it’s not often that we get to re-experience what it was like to be a kid when our parents were in charge. For many of us, our parents take charge during the holidays especially if it's in their home and we now have to follow rules and customs we didn’t have to since we were younger. Often full grown adults can even slip back into a state of dependence. Which isn’t a bad thing necessarily, for many, it’s nice to be cared for like they once were. It only becomes an issue when old conflicts are evoked by the ritual that we repeat once a year. All the familiar spaces, smells, and sounds can bring back old memories good and bad. Sometimes it’s even subtler than that, and we don’t even realize that we’re re-assuming our childhood internal experience.
In a hypothetical example, a 30 year old man comes home for Thanksgiving after having just received a promotion. Instead of celebrating his accomplishment, his dad cares more about the football game than listening. This may echo a childhood experience such as the son not receiving paternal approval for the straight As he got when he was in 3rd grade. Now normally, this man is independent and doesn’t need his father’s approval for his self-esteem. However in a ritualized setting full of familiarity, perhaps surrounded with the same decorations and eating the same stuffing recipe, the man can more easily revert to a childlike response. He could become more upset, disappointed, or whatever old feelings he would have felt when he was 8 years-old.
But the above explanation assumes a family unit that in many ways has remained constant. When people think of the holiday blues, they may imagine lonely souls who do not have the same loved ones to celebrate together with. Cattell also includes them in his concept of the “Christmas Syndrome.” The holiday season carries strong cultural expectations of family closeness, intimacy, generosity, and belonging. It also has a religious and commercial element that can leave many people feeling left out. Not everyone has the faith required for the former, or perhaps even more alienating, they may observe a different religious tradition and feel alienated by the in-your-faceness of the more hegemonic religions.
For those who are bothered by how commercialized the holidays have become, they may not have the cash to engage in the commercial aspect of the holidays. They may also have no one to give it to. Or they find the commodification of the holiday’s spirit has left them feeling spiritually empty. Modern marketing, which was founded on psychological insights, does its best to associate products with values. Think Coca Cola promising togetherness. You may unconsciously reach for a Coca Cola in an attempt to feel that sense of universal fraternity, especially this time of year because the Coke Company did more than anyone to shape our cultural image of Santa Claus. However, that feeling is not actually an ingredient in Coke’s secret formula, and we are left feeling as empty as the drunken can.
People who have no loved ones can still feel the regressive pressures but turned inward, potentially causing emotional numbness and depression. The social pressures of being merry on the holidays, can also ironically increase depressed mood. Because now you’re feeling depressed about being depressed. Cattell also points out a “diffuse anxiety” that is the insidious side of the coin, the ubiquity of the holiday season that you cannot escape. We are reminded in every grocery store, public space, and pharmacy that we’re supposed to be having a wonderful Christmas time. And that we are expected to be giving and generous. For those who don’t have anything left to give or no one to give to, then this background expectation can cause creeping underlying guilt and anxiety.
For those who have lost loved ones, the memories that are brought up can create marked feelings of helplessness and bitter rumination about past holiday experiences. Unprocessed feelings around family divorce or death of parents can bring up feelings of abandonment or highlight the lack of stable emotional support. For Cattell then, the syndrome often reflects unresolved attachment issues and unmet emotional needs that the culturally reinforced holiday ideal brings into sharp relief.
The most recognizable psychological symptom is usually depression, colloquially known as the aforementioned “Holiday Blues.” As therapists, truth be told, we actually do see people seeking more therapy around this time of year which backs up this culturally felt phenomenon. However, research studies compiled by Lori and Randy Sanson disprove the popular myth that suicidal behavior increases during the holidays. In fact, self-harm on average decreases over the holidays as indicated by a survey of emergency room visits. Unfortunately, they offer no interpretation why this may be. That being said, if you are having suicidal thoughts, it’s important that you contact professional help immediately.
Nonetheless the research empirically confirms that mood related disorders (i.e. depression) does increase around the holidays. By its nature the “Christmas Syndrome” is time-limited; it fades once the department store sales are over. However, the point is that it makes salient issues that were already there. Whether its childhood traumas, feelings of alienation, or unresolved attachment issues over a lost parent. Therefore, if you are feeling the blues this year, you should seek professional help. A therapist is trained to bring out and work through those repressed emotions and unresolved conflicts collaboratively with the client at their own pace while also prioritizing safety. It’s better to play these things out in the therapy room than at the Thanksgiving dinner table.
If you are feeling that you may have attachment issues, then therapy is wonderful for reworking the capacity to form meaningful relationships on new terms. Lastly, therapy can help you contextualize how you’ve been relating to past and current holiday experiences. And then next year, with greater understanding and compassion, you can hopefully better enjoy this part of the year that at its best celebrates the things that make it a wonderful life.
References
Cattell, J. P. (1955). The holiday syndrome. Psychoanalytic Review, 42(1), 39–43.
Sansone RA, Sansone LA. The Christmas effect on psychopathology. Innov Clin Neurosci. 2011 Dec;8(12):10-3.
