“Triggering” - Let’s Unpack That

By Amanda LaMela

This article is the first of the Let’s Unpack That series, where we unpack common therapy-speak phrases that have infiltrated popular discourse. Language is constantly evolving, so it is crucial to differentiate colloquial use vs. clinical use of common therapy phrases, as well as their implications. 

“Trigger Warning”

During an argument, “Mila” points out to her boyfriend that he tends to shut down and go silent during difficult conversations. He responds, “This is so triggering. I had parents who yelled constantly. I don’t do well with confrontation.” Riddled with guilt, Mila starts tiptoeing around conflict, even when she is hurt.

Later that week, Mila proposes a chore schedule to her roommate. Her roommate interprets Mila’s suggestion as criticism and becomes defensive. As she storms off, she says, “This is really triggering to someone with executive dysfunction.” Stunned and ashamed, Mila hesitates to discuss household tasks with her roommate in the future. This avoidance results in an imbalance of domestic responsibilities and growing resentments.

Clinical vs. Colloquial

In clinical psychology, a “trigger” refers to a stimulus that causes a person to relive a traumatic experience or enter a state of acute distress (Bell et al, 2025). Triggers can activate the nervous system, produce flashbacks, or create a fight/flight/freeze response that feels disproportionate to the present moment. For example, a survivor of domestic violence might be triggered by the slam of a door or a particular tone of voice, even when no harm is intended. In this case, the brain is not reacting to context. It is reacting to past danger.

However, in mainstream discourse, the colloquial use of “trigger” has evolved. It is no longer reserved for an intense trauma response. It has started showing up as shorthand for: “I’m uncomfortable” or “You’re confronting me with something I’m not ready to face.”

The Unexpected Consequences of Misuse

This conversational wildcard can be wielded sincerely or strategically. While the desire to protect one’s peace is valid, the overuse of “triggered” can make it harder to distinguish between true dysregulation and ordinary emotional uneasiness. By blurring the lines between trauma and tension, we may be diluting the very language that was meant to protect survivors in the first place. If everything is a trigger, nothing is a trigger. Researchers have coined this phenomenon “concept creep” (Haslam, 2016).

When we mislabel activating stimuli, we might be sidestepping meaningful emotional experiences. Discomfort, shame, vulnerability, frustration, and embarrassment are essential parts of growth and connection. This misuse of therapy-speak could be an attempt to shut down dialogue or avoid accountability. Suddenly, the person offering feedback becomes the villain. The person avoiding it becomes the wounded party.

When a word is used to deflect responsibility or shut down someone else’s truth, that is not regulation. That’s called “experiential avoidance” (Chawla & Ostafin, 2006). In some cases, it’s even a form of conversational control. Here are a few red flags:

• The person using it doesn’t revisit the topic or engage in mutual understanding later.

• You are never allowed to express your own hurt without it being reframed as the other person’s trauma.

• The word “triggered” gets used to win an argument or end a debate.

• You’re constantly walking on eggshells around “triggers” that feel conveniently unchallengeable.

Communicating with Compassion

When someone says they are triggered, what do you do? Do you retreat in shame? Act dismissively? Angrily interrogate? How we respond to others’ expressions of distress will undoubtedly influence our relationship dynamics.

First of all, it is not your job to instantly determine whether this reaction is “real” or “valid.” In fact, assuming bad intent usually shuts the door on the kind of honest exchange that helps everyone feel understood. The most helpful response starts with respect. This is about emotional safety, not agreement. Believe that what they’re feeling is real for them in that moment, whether or not you share the same reaction.

Next, demonstrate genuine curiosity. Instead of backing away completely or barreling forward, you can ask open, non-judgmental questions. Finally, offer collaboration. Agree on whether to pause, reframe the discussion, or table it for later. Following through matters: If you say you’ll revisit it, make a plan to do so.

Language shapes culture, and culture shapes how we show up for one another. “Triggered” was never meant to be a buzzword or a conversational escape hatch. It was created to give trauma survivors a way to name real, visceral distress. And it still can, if we use it with care.

References

Bell, K. M., Howardson, R., Holmberg, D., & Cornelius, T. L. (2025). “Warning—This Content May Trigger Temporary Discomfort, Which Is Expected and Manageable”: The Effect of Modified Trigger-Warning Language on Reactions to Emotionally Provocative Content. Behavior Therapy, 56(2), 213–224. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.beth.2024.11.001

Chawla, N., & Ostafin, B. (2007). Experiential avoidance as a functional dimensional approach to psychopathology: An empirical review. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 63(9), 871–890. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.20400

Harsey, S. J., Zurbriggen, E. L., & Freyd, J. J. (2017). Perpetrator Responses to Victim Confrontation: DARVO and Victim Self-Blame. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, 26(6), 644–663. https://doi.org/10.1080/10926771.2017.1320777

Haslam, N. (2016). Concept Creep: Psychology’s Expanding Concepts of Harm and Pathology. Psychological Inquiry, 27(1), 1–17. https://doi.org/10.1080/1047840X.2016.1082418